My last blog

Uncategorized
April 27, 2020

I can’t tell whether this semester has crawled or flown by. When I reflect on the last couple of months, it sparks a few emotions, but chief among them is sadness.

I keep finding myself wondering what could’ve been. Living in Oxford, I’ve got plenty of things here to remind me of that thought. I drive past the baseball field sometimes and think about my emcee job that was cut short. When I pass the frat houses, I think about the memories I could’ve made with my friends and the spring parties that got canceled. The Grove makes me think about graduation, which we’re not having, at least for now.

Maybe the worst part of all of this is that my girlfriend and I have only been able to see each other through a screen for the last month and a half. She’s my first long-term relationship, and we’ve been together for 5 and a half months. I miss her. She was planning on leaving in June, so that’s 3 months that we could’ve spent together. Instead, all we can do is FaceTime, and now I’m probably not going to be able to see her until August.

The fact that we don’t get to spend time together is bad enough, but on top of that this situation has put a lot of stress on our relationship. As I’ve written about previously, her dad had Coronavirus, which was really hard on her emotionally. She’s in New York where the virus is bad, so she hasn’t been able to hang out with any of her friends. The result of that has been her wanting extra attention from me. I feel like I’ve kind of become her escape from this whole situation and a place she can go for happiness. The problem is, it’s put a lot of pressure on me to always be there for her to help her be happy while I’m also trying to live my own life. She sometimes has gotten upset when I’ve decided to do other things besides talk to her. Again, I’ve never been in a long-term relationship, so I’m trying to figure out how much time I should spend on me and how much time I should invest into our relationship.

This issue actually led to me breaking up with her for four days last week before we had a few good conversations before getting back together. Neither of us want to let these bad circumstances get the best of us.

That’s how I’ve tried to be with the whole COVID-19 situation. I’ve been trying to look on the bright side, but every day something else triggers me into thinking about all of the things I feel like I’m missing out on. The list is a hundred reasons long.

I can’t help but feel like I took everything for granted. I know I should look to the future for the light at the end of the tunnel and focus on the endless possibilities that post-grad life has to offer, but right now all I can think about are the experiences that I’m missing out on and never going to get back.

I loved my time at Ole Miss. As cheesy as it sounds, I just wish I could’ve had the proper chance to say goodbye.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *